- go to the bathroom to escape
- feel very uncomfortable without a phone or some other crutch
- dwell on a small awkward for much longer than necessary
- never go to any social event without a person that makes you feel comfortable
- follow said person way too much
- worry about the person beginning to find you obnoxious
- faking an illness to get out of a social event
As I approach my fiftieth birthday, I had become more and more enraged and mystified by the idiot decisions made by my countrymen. And then I had come suddenly to pity them, for I understood how innocent and natural it was for them to behave so abominably, and with such abominable results: They were doing their best to live like people invented in story books. This was the reason Americans shot each other so often: It was a convenient literary device for ending short stories and books.
Why were so many Americans treated by their government as though their lives were as disposable as paper facial tissues? Because that was the way authors customarily treated bit-part players in their made-up tales.
And so on.
Once I understood what was making America such a dangerous, unhappy nation of people who had nothing to do with real life, I resolved to shun storytelling. I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order, instead, which I think I have done.
Kurt Vonnegut, from “Breakfast of Champions”.
It should be pointed out that these words are put forth in the novel, by it’s narrator. The way it is written, this narrator could indeed be Vonnegut himself, and this could be a diary entry.
Or, they could simply be strange thoughts that Vonnegut has bestowed on one of his characters. The narrator is not named, and describes the events of the novel as his creations… so it isn’t clear who is speaking. In either case, these thoughts and observations penetrate.
teacher: wheres your homework
me: *swings a really big sword*
teacher: holy shit